maybe its just the way you were raised or maybe its just the environment you grew up with that moulds people to look at life..am one of those who hates being vulnerable i hate to lay it out all in the open..I am an open person full of life..people say am humourous and fun loving but beneath all that lies someone who is scared to open up and let people in easily..and when i feel am getting too close or letting somebody too close i run away..i break all ..shatter it hoping to sart afresh again but am tired now..i am beginning to realize that sometimes its allright to wake up and feel vulnerable and in need of some TLC that does not make me any weaker it just shows that am a human like everyoneelse and let go..break and melt that wall I have so strongly built around myself..

hey another weekend another saturday evening and I was looking forward to spent with that someone I so much like I even picked a nice cute dress and a mint color coat to wear this evening but looks like things ain't going the way i was anticipating...but me am not crying..angry maybe a lil bit disappointed..what the heck am still young..independent I still can have my pick...so i have my nails painted in a lovely red do my hair and am still wearing that cute dress and that oh so lovely mint color coat put my best foot forward and have fun tonite....

i got back from work
the house felt cold and errie
red bricks,wodden floor
all I hear is my footstep
which somehow comforts me
like music to the ears.

I need this quietness,this loneliness
I need solitude,peace,serenity
I need me to find me
I need to talk to myself

I found myself drifting back in time
I found the courage to open the doors
I closed firmly long time ago

I met my first love
love so pure and innocent
he was there with a smile and eyes filled with love
It gave me shivers and goosebumps
I felt joy deep inside me

I found myself back to the present again
my bed still left unmade dreaming
I went on doing my chores

I wondered where all that innocence has gone
why do I never feel the same again

I wish to be truly touched
I wished to be truly loved
I wished time would standstill

If not for anything
just to feel that joy so deep again!

i will turn 26 in abt 28days time 4 yrs down the line i will be 30 why can't i have my fucking own life...

am finally back again after a long holiday..back to where am suppose to be following dreams..building castles back to square one.I want things to be different this time..me..my life the way I look at things I want to discover myself,my potentialities talk to myself to sleep and find the real me inside me I know this sounds weird but I feel this will help me to finally able to seek the answers that I so long have been longing for.
I am scared and unsure about the future well everybody is I guess..I need to get a grip on my life focus and be long sighted..I finally landed myself with a small job but am happy about it and looking forward to start working which starts tommorrow am seriously nervous because this will be my first job in my whole 26years of my exsistence on this planet earth..I hope I don't mess it up..No!!am not doing that the prosepct of letting something like that happen would be stupidity..sheer dumbness..
I am going to put my best feet forward,start another chapter of my life afresh!!
I am looking forward to it..wish me luck:)

scream in my head...

I am not really sure what I want from life right now or what is it exactly that I am looking for,there is a part of me that wants to explore and go beyond ,cross those boundaries and walls that I long ago set for myself but at the same time,scared to leap and take the risk to just embrace life like the way I see it...sometimes I feel am too old to be experimenting with life now that am all of 25 but there is this restlessness in me to just be reckless and do things..live my life without being afraid of people judging me..

stumped!!!

sometimes you know it ain't right but you stop listening to what your heart is trying to tell you,because you just want to go ahead and do it...without a second thought you let yourself go..i did that last nite and it still feels surreal, did it really happen?was it just a dream?No it really did happen ..i don't know what to make out of it now..am stumped..numb and loss for words..all said and done i ain't still ready to listen to my heart..let it wait!!